she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
