A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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