my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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