Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
