She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
