is your mom at the bar?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
