Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I booty called her while she was in labor.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
