so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
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My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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