my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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