How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
