I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
