Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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