she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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