Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
