Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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