I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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