1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Screwed.edu
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
