Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
