I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
