If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
