we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
