The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
