i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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