It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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