I wanna passion pit in your ass
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
