I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
