you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
