Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
