I'm so fucking centered right now
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
