whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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