I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
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Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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