Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
