I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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