Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
