Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
