Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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