I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
