if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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