VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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