Don't you send me to vm
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
