I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
