Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
