I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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