It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
