The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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