Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
you never un-have a 4some
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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