Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
