Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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