You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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