i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
