Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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