hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
