I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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