I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
