i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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