I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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