Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
