I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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