After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she pinky promised me she was 18
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
