I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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