get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you made out with another girl for some wings
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
