I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
