I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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