Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
