my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
