Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
